Day 0, post #goquit

Chris, Dustin, and I split an Uber ride back to downtown Philly. There is some measure of regret as we’re riding back (mostly, I’m feeling bad we’re stinking up this nice lady’s vehicle) and as we’re riding through town, we see signs for Valley Forge (endex) and that’s far as hell. I’m falling asleep on the ride home and then the nice lady introduces us to Philadelphia’s potholes. Apparently, instead of fixing them, they just throw more cones around that bitch. Speaking of…I would like to announce my new start up….Bee Cone Industries.

Farewell my temporary teammates

So I get to the hotel and no shit, our Uber driver out to John’s house is working at the hotel! He said “man you look terrible” and then I went to the room, peeled off my gross clothes in the shower, checked for ticks (seriously what are we doing with our lives where this is a thing?), then tried to wash off my latest in a string of failures.

I was not successful (another failure).


I’m awake and feeling pretty good. I see what my peeps are doing and we head over to Independence Beer Garden and this most excellent day begins. We start crushing these beers (ciders in my case) and it’s outside but covered seating so it’s muggy as hell.

HAN Dynasty

We decide to relocate and find a bar that has an inside and air conditioning. We decide to walk 1/2 a mile to Eulogy Belgian Tavern and then shit gets fuzzy after that. I remember buying these 9% abv beers, then shots for someone doing something? Getting married? Having a kid? Then Eugene comes by during the middle of a 5 minute monsoon and he’s all “you want to go to a barcade?”


Uh yes, check please.

So we get to the barcade and it’s like the greatest place ever. Since we’re older (not wiser) we have more money to pump into these machines so what we can’t defeat with skill (Ninja Turtles), we know we can defeat it with more nickels. That makes it less fun but when you drink as much beer as we did, there is no fun, only victory.

Sup Eugene?

After crushing Shredder and the Brain, we had to look for something more challenging. Enter X-Men. I think it’s a 6 player game but the controls were broken so it was like a 5 player game. Everyone chose their characters and I ended up with Colossus. I don’t remember playing much but I woke up the next morning and all I was playing in my head was BWAAAAAAAAA.

After this, we decide to go buy beer. Philadelphia, for all the greatness that is there, has some weird beer laws. Like, you can’t buy beer where you can buy liquor. Drug stores don’t sell beer. I believe Chris put it succinctly when he said something along the lines of “200 years ago when Quakers were in charge of this shit, you couldn’t buy beer on Sundays. So that’s why in 2017 we can’t buy beer on Sundays.”


We get beer and then ride over to the Challenge (“Tough”) start point where I proceed to drink all the beers, get even more drunk, and then I get a ride back to the hotel. I don’t remember much but being hungry and sure enough there’s a 24 hour diner one block over. It only requires walking past 4 homeless people on the way there…and back.

Sup Murphy

Here’s a pro tip: don’t get the drinks from inside of the pressure sensitive fridge ’cause two coke cans cost $11.00 -_-

Day 1, post-quit.

So the next morning we discover the greatness that is:

Federal Donuts

Philadelphia Art Museum – GRTs like to ruck/bunny hop up this bitch but walking was good for VP and me.

Dim Sum Garden

Monk’s Cafe (best cafe)

Independence Beer Garden

Prohibition Taproom

Sup Eric
Sup cider?

Monk’s cafe (again) but with backup

Diner where we got to try scrapple and the ladies burned toast

Then I woke up in a scrapple-induced haze.

Like many, I love to travel. It affords me the opportunity to meet people I’ve met already and can’t place where we’ve met previously. The best is when I meet GRTs who were, up to then, merely Facebook friends. Or second best, when someone mentions they read my blog to help them get ready (maybe I should reread them so I don’t engage #goquit) ’cause all two people who said they read it finished Heavy.

I took the train to the airport that early afternoon. Sitting at Chickie & Pete’s, this young couple grabs a seat near me and they immediately ask for two shots of Wild Turkey.

“We’re visiting family soon.”


Also, “you sound like you’re from Texas.”