“Look at other people and ask yourself if you are really seeing them or just your thoughts about them.” – Jon Kabat-Zinn
I’ve always been quick to judge people. It’s a
flaw feature of mine and it’s always…on? Waiting in the shadows? There’s that moment when you see someone and you “figure” out their life story almost always on how they look, sound, act, and talk. It’s almost always wrong unless you’re Sherlock Holmes and just fantastic at discombobulating. I’m not Sherlock (no shit) and I’m at minimum 99% wrong all the time in all the things (consistency is key in all things). That said, I’ve been working on not instantly judging people for a while. At least, not until I know a little bit more about them. Even then, I shouldn’t be judging anyone. Unless you enjoy college sports because A) college sports are wrong and B) you’re wrong. But it happens.
Someone cut you off? Asshole.
- Maybe they didn’t see you, someone else tried to hit them, there’s a spider in their car…
Someone not thank you for holding the door? Asshole.
- Maybe you’re holding the door open for the wrong reasons, so stop.
Bee writing another blog post? Asshole.
I started to work on adjusting that mindset what feels like years ago (probably only a handful of years) in an attempt to not be a total jerk and I don’t know if it’s working (haha nope). It’s almost automatic now when I see someone that I give pause before I start my thinking (which still happens). However, I’m always reminded of it when someone I’m chatting with says something about another person we both know nothing about who is doing nothing but passing by. I generally don’t question why they say it (hey I have these thoughts, too) but I will think about what led to that comment being their uh, observation.
In this scenario, I think they’re almost always negative comments. I guess it’s your fellow walker trying to relate or just make conversation? If you’re going to have a moment with someone, make it a good one I guess. Sounds like hippie shits but I just did 9 minutes of metta/loving kindness meditation and I guess I’m a hippie now.
Now I try to let people be people. I’m mediocre at best with regard to not judging people now and that’s cool, but the best part of this exercise is that I quit having an opinion I felt I needed to share about everyone and everything. Which leads to some increased happiness because now you’re not using brain power for those pointless thoughts (but you will have other pointless thoughts).
That quote up above, “look at other people and ask yourself if you are really seeing them or just your thoughts about them.” I got from the book “Wherever you go, there you are” and it’s stuck with me ever since I read it and copied it down.
It’s similar in sentiment to a quote in my favorite guided meditation of all time (hit me up I can mp3 you).
“To wake up and be in a wise relationship with things as they are. Whether they’re pleasant or unpleasant…”
So stop thinking about you want it to be and see it for what it is, maybe?
Just because you want something to be a certain way (your opinion) doesn’t change reality. You gotta let that shit go, dude (to me).
*doesn’t let anything go*