I went to a wedding this past weekend. Obviously, it wasn’t mine. But I wanted to clarify that with my friends when we were talking about our plans for the weekend…you know, just to clear up any possible confusion. It was not needed to be said as there were zero people who thought it was my wedding. Thanks guys.
There are many reasons for that assumption (fact?) but the first of many reasons is I need to find a girlfriend, take her to Vegas and then get her drunk enough to marry me while there. So…any ladies want to go to Vegas? #yearoftheboo #couldbeyou #faby #byfa #foreveralonebeeyang #beeyangforeveralone
But enough about me, let’s talk about Eric and Darlene. I met Eric in 2012 at our first GORUCK where he showed up and rocked an Eastpak with bubble wrapped bricks (dumb) and couldn’t figure out how to buddy carry anyone so he crushed 4 rucks at once. He later tells me “Bee I knew we were going to be friends because we were the only two Asians there.” And through Eric I met Darlene when she gave 3 newly minted GRTs a ride to the parking lot where we started this idiocy. I figured she was going to marry him when she covertly coordinated a meeting of his friends to do a GORUCK Challenge in Austin in 2013. He walked into a bar where Stump and I were about to take shots (3rd challenge why not?) and he was like “hey I know those guys…and those guys…what the hell.” Later on we all had cake in our nostrils. Thanks Eric for being born I guess and Darlene for bringing cake.
The reception was held at an event center about a half-mile walk from the hotel but we took a shuttle because you don’t get this body by walking a half-mile whenever you need to. The venue was really nice and they had mints and gum in the restroom and you didn’t have to tip the weirdo restroom attendant in there a $1 to get a stick of gum.
The ceremony itself was really cool and by “really cool” I mean “really short.” I believe they were inspired by the Spirit of the Olympic Games to have the shortest ceremony of all time ever. They shattered the ceremony record and came in right around 15 minutes from entrance to exit. I barely had time to finish my first beer (but I powered through it). During the exchange of vows, I think they were talking about how smooth Eric was when they first met and how much of a bad ass marathoner he was going to be and maybe a shout-out to love or whatever, I was busy drinking.
So weddings are always a good time and I find it’s such a joy to get together with your friends to celebrate two amazing people coming together to start a new life while getting blackout drunk. It’s certainly much better than two people coming together in a ring and having one person leave, like in a Gladiator battle to the death.
Unless you’re into that sort of thing. If you are, don’t go to weddings. Luckily for us, there was no Red Wedding action because that would have been weird as hell…and people would have died.
There was, however, lots of drinking by me, lots of dancing by Jenks and lots of merriment by all. Such a great weekend filled with love and uh…alcohol. Here’s a picture of us bothering the happy couple during their one chance to eat.
Oh yeah G was there, too, with his sweet phone camera and even sweeter family who Jenks alienated. It was like the Who’s Who of our group chat with the exception of Brian.
A thing that happened at the wedding was that some of his friends (3! Three and not three factorial) came up to me to ask if I was “Bee” as they felt like they knew me because Eric kept posting on fb and making shirts. I told them he was/is dumb but yes, unfortunately that’s me. Which is fun…not really. I do enjoy being awkward though.
Nothing gets an after party going like food. McDonald’s and Domino’s Pizza, thanks Jason and Young. Also trying to pose like the dude in the picture on the wall in the hotel is certainly not influenced by alcohol.
Congrats, Eric and Darlene. Here is a picture of Jenks with pizza.
Wark Mitt said, Why are you sitting down behind the Bride and Groom?
In reply to Wark Mitt, Bee said, Got jokes eh? More stinging nettles for you homeboy.