be yourself except for you

“Be yourself, except for you. You don’t be you.” – Bee

Starting out a blog post with a quote from me. What in the hell is going on here?

Once upon a time I was having lunch at Pappadeaux with my cousin Yong and his friends. I don’t remember the specifics of the conversation as it involved oysters on special and several, several uh…beverages, but something came up and we were talking about how everyone should be themselves. I mentioned that the advice works great for most people but I suggested that maybe my cousin should not be himself out in public because well, he’s him.

Like this but the exact opposite, cousin.
Nobody at the table actually disagreed.

Maybe my cousin did but I must say, he’s always been disagreeable like that. Frankly, nobody asked him despite him being at the table as we talked about him.

Sup MV, Yong
Here’s a pro-tip…when giving advice, especially of the unwanted and unasked variety, it might serve for you to listen to your own advice. As it turns out, I definitely, 100%, 1,000%, should have listened to my own advice.

So I’d gone out on a few dates with this one chick. Lady. Woman.

She’s super awesome and smart and pretty and blah blah blah and, sure She has some issues maybe (I dunno, I’m focusing on me) but those are easily overlooked by the fact that She talked a lot of shit to me. That definitely covers up a lot of flaws like Her kicking my ass in Words with Friends. Or even agreeing to go out with me. Her decision making is already suspect. It was perfect.

“To alcohol, the cause of and solution to life’s problems.” – Homer Simpson
Damn it.

Except I’m me and I can’t not be me (although I should have) and on our first date I got pretty drunk due to chugging all the ciders and not eating any food. I’m nervous like that. Well, the not eating food part. As someone once said about me re: fridge status, “for a guy with no food he sure doesn’t miss many meals.” Thanks JB and JB’s mystery friend. I also drunkenly spammed her that following weekend when I was annihilated in Pittsburgh #bwaaa I don’t recall any of this but it was related to me later ?

Bloody hell.

If we’ve ever been out drinking then you might know that I like drinking a few beers too many. I mean, if you’re reading this blog then chances are we’ve gone drinking so uh…surprise? Definitely not my finest hour(s) but damn, She is a saint. She put up with drunk Bee AGAIN like 5 times. I wouldn’t hang out with drunken me that much 

Anyway, we were in Dallas a couple of weeks ago and we were (I thought) having a great time and then She fell off the face of the Earth #flatEarthWorstEarth Or maybe She’s just ignoring me. Who knows? There’s no way I can communicate with Her. It’s impossible. Like there are not a number of ways I can call/message Her. Nope. Trust me. Either way, She’s dealt with drunken Bee shenanigans way more than necessary (perhaps once is too many). She should get a patch but She doesn’t GORUCK and that’s even better so now it’s not weird when I shadow local events. Also, I’m not in danger of running into Her anywhere as She doesn’t live in my apartment complex or go to my grocery store or gym. Good times.

I guess I know what to do next time I get a date.

In 2018.

Uh, first, get a date.

Don’t get drunk as hell on that date.

Don’t be myself.

“Don’t get drunk as hell…”???

Basically, I’m going to die alone. I’ve resigned myself to that fact.

#faby #byfa #foreveralonebeeyang #beeyangforeveralone #fatassbeeyang #beeyangfatass

#yotb2018 #yearoftheboo2018

lol minimizing my dating chances

New Policies: not advising other people, not getting blackout drunk on dates, not being myself. Got it.